we whine

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Tuesday, 31 January 2006

NOAA [the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration] announced today that for the remainder of the winter season, its scientists will give the public a new, easy-to-understand scale to categorize major snowstorms after they effect the Northeast.

Like the Saffir-Simpson scale for hurricanes, and the Fujita rankings for tornadoes, the Northeast Snowstorm Impact Scale (NESIS) ranking system will give scientists a way to "quickly assess a snowstorm’s impact."  Snow storms will be given one of the following designations: Notable, Significant, Major, Crippling or Extreme.

While the new system currently only applies to the Northeast, different snow storm scales will likely be developed for other areas of the country.  Here’s my contribution to NOAA’s efforts:

The Winter Extreme Weather Hindrance Index for Nashville and Environs (WEWHINE)

Notable:  Although no actual snow is expected (except for on the Plateau), rain, combined with temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit, is forecasted for Nashville in the next 24 hours.  Residents are urged to curtail normal television viewing habits in favor of watching updates on the Weather Channel.

Significant:  Actual snow flurries are in the forecast.  Citizens are strongly urged to immediately leave work in order to buy additional batteries, milk, and canned goods–even if you think you have sufficient quantities in stock.

Major:  A dusting of snow has occurred or is occurring.  This rating, along with the next two more serious ratings are actual snow WARNINGS, instead of just watches.  Residents who have not already holed themselves up at home with a cord of firewood (required even if you don’t have a wood-burning fireplace), are expected to immediately return home.  All public schools, and some private schools are closed–even though all snow will have melted an hour after sunrise.

Crippling:  Real measurable snowfall of up to two inches has occurred.  All schools, even Harpeth Hall and MBA, are closed.  Drivers are required to perform doughnuts in the face of oncoming traffic on major thoroughfares.  Expect lengthy power outages. 

Extreme:  (also known as the "Abandon Hope" rating) Snowfall of greater than two inches has fallen on Nashville.  Immediately abandon all cars in the roadway and walk home.  Burn furniture for additional heat.  Salvage remaining water from toilet bowls for drinking.  Draw straws to determine which family member, friend, or pet will be sacrificed in the event that someone will need to be eaten to prevent starvation.  The lucky few Nashvillians who survive such an extreme winter event are expected to exaggerate the actual amount of snow that fell as they tell future generations about the worst snowstorm ever recorded.  (Substitution of "feet" for "inches" is authorized.)

Comments (4)

some of the news that’s fit to print

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Tuesday, 31 January 2006

Today’s news:

Now it looks like Democratic political operative and Deputy Governor Dave Cooley is implicated in the Rep. Judd Matheny story.  Also here.

A criminal probe has been launched against the poll workers at Memphis precinct 27-1 where all the dead convicts whose  ghosts were living on vacant land voted.

The Teamsters want Metro government "to conduct regular performance audits of the $1.7 billion Metro retirement fund."

The President will be in Nashville tomorrow–the first stop on his post-State of the Union tour.

Comments (1)

if ms word can do it, why not tn legislature?

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Monday, 30 January 2006

When I use the "Track Changes" option on Microsoft Word, I can see who added, deleted or changed text in a document that I’ve sent to others for review.

Why can’t a bill making its way through the Tennessee Legislature have the same "Track Changes" feature?  Unlike what Rep. Campfield has described (here and here), it might make the committee process more worthwhile–not to mention, it might assign more responsibility.

Comments (4)

crack instead of alcohol

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Monday, 30 January 2006

There were two very interesting letters-to-the-editor juxtaposed together in Monday’s USA Today.  They were both written in response an earlier story about a 19-year-old sorority girl who died of alcohol overdose.

The first letter writer, after saying that he grew up in the era of eighteen year old drinking ages, had this to say:

The difference between a drinking age of 21 and a drinking age of 18 is parental involvement.

Sure, we pushed the limits at ages 16 and 17, but I also was not alone at college with a bunch of other teens. We had our parents to watch over our stupidity.

With a drinking age of 21, we have shifted oversight of youthful drinking to other inebriated college students.

Instead of parents or "inebriated college students", the second letter writer thinks that responsibility for watching college-aged drinking should belong instead to "faculty members."  Other measures he advocated include making "students sign a contract . . . [or] if that fails, fraternities and sororities on college campuses should be closed."

I ask you, which one of these letter writers offers a workable, albeit not-one-hundred-percent solution to the problem of college alcohol abuse, and which one is smoking crack?

Comments Off

see how sausage is made

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Monday, 30 January 2006

Make sure you get a chance to read Trent Seibert’s behind-the-scenes look at how lobbyists and their friends in the Legislature are watering down proposed ethics reforms in Tennessee.

The biggest changes (for the worse) will likely come as these bills get finalized.  Keep you eye on this.

Comments (2)

tennessee: we’ll help you break the law

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Monday, 30 January 2006

Tennessee has issued more than 51,000 certificates since 2004 when it became the first state in the nation to offer them — since joined by Utah. But not every certificate has gone to someone living in Tennessee.

. . . [Governor] Bredesen recalled being shocked three years ago to see an ad in a Spanish-language newspaper in Georgia promoting package deals for "a certain amount of money to get on a bus and go to Tennessee to get a driver’s license."

Tennessee has a lot to offer.  I’m proof that people want to come here.  But I don’t think that lax laws should be one of those reasons for people flocking to the Volunteer State.

Comments Off

kerry needs a little blue friend

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Monday, 30 January 2006

How ironic, that of the last two Senators who have lost elections to a sitting President, the one who went on to advertise erectile dysfunction treatments is not the one losing his dignity.

Comments Off

shadegg v. blunt

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Saturday, 28 January 2006

Like Glenn and the Bear, I haven’t followed the battle for U.S. House Majority Leader as closely as I probably should have.  But it looks like it’s shaping up to be another Coburn Amendment type fight.  On the one hand you have the Tom-Delay-business-as-usual crowd.  On the other is the anti-government-waste crowd.

Roy Blunt appears to have the support of the former group.  Republicans who seem to be on the porcine version of the Atkins diet, look like they currently have the upper hand.  John Shadegg, according to the blogger punditocracy, more closely resembles a return to 1994 ideals.

Marsha Blackburn is the Tennessee Representative on the Republican Study Committee.  She will have a lot of influence on this decision.  Tell her how you’d like to see it turn out.

Comments (5)

fun with surveys

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Saturday, 28 January 2006

Or maybe it should be titled crap in = crap out.

When I self-report to surveys or submit warranty forms, I always select the highest income bracket available on the form. I also live in a huge house, drive a BMW, and am the owner of my own company. I found that it didn’t stop the junk mail from coming, but what I get is much more interesting and sometimes I get nice stuff.

Very clever, Semi-Pundit.

Comments Off

mockingbirds singing

Byline: | Category: Uncategorized | Posted at: Saturday, 28 January 2006

I sometimes wonder if these anonymous attempts to ban books from a school’s curriculum, are really being covertly orchestrated by English Lit teachers.

If so, it’s a brilliant move, since kids will actually read books that people don’t want them to read.

Mel and Nathan have more. 

Comments (2)